I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
