I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
