I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's blow job season.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We smell like vodka and hangover
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