u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
