Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
