Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
