im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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