I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
