I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
