Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
