you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
