i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
