She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
