no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
