my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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