Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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