i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
