My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
