If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
