just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
