Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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