After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
