I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
