I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
