is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
