here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
