I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
