I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
