Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize