you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
