we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
