I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
