this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
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I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
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I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.