i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.