I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.