We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.