My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
