Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
