Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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