it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
