there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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