it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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