The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
