So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
