I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
