I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
