WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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