Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Sorry about my life...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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