Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
