I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
