I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
