Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
