somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
