I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I can text with my tongue
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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