is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
