Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
