I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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