I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
