There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
