We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I could fuck to npr.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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