It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
