i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
