I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
