Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
