dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
