ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
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Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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