Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
