How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
