I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i think i just naturally attract stoners
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
