he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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