I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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