Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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