Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
