I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We don't watch enough power rangers
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
