I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
