Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Randomize
