i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you would pick up someone in the library
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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