Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
