K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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