A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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