I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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