Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
