You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
