you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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