What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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